Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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