gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
