Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
