Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
