Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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