well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
