HIV tests are more positive than that guy
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
