your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
