take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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