My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
