wanna go halves on a baby?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
