I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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