I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
