saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
