My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
