The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
