I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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