i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
