JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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