the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
