I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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