This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
