I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
