Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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