i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
