i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish you could order shots online.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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