i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Holy shit dude........stairs
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