I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
