It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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