cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize