i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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