I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
