What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
