That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
