its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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