whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize