2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
