he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
