I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize