I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
