I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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