The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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