He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
