oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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