the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
