This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
