I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
