New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
