I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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