I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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