I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
