Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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