wrigley field is MILF paradise
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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