I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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