You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
