so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
