just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
