If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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