M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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