Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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