sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
