Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
