yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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