My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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