no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
