Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
