But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
