Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
