I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
