some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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