Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize