you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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