Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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