Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
