My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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