dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
