the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
