i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
