You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
