No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
