How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
