We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
